rough draft

I tried to tell you how I felt
More so I could try to try to fool myself
And you were the cause, you were my fall
I don't have anything, you could take it all

And when I drag myself back home
And when I leave this puppet show
You're the difference.

And you were the thing that I held dear
Bright shiny stones lodged in your ears
A broken grey man seranades
With blood on my shins, my skin - the concrete pulled away.

And when I drag myself away
When I break the words I made
You're the difference.

Give it up to me
Ain't no one in this world who is free
And the soul of honor costs a dollar
But you get it for less on the street.

I raised a monster
I raised the debt
I taught you what it means to pay.

Make it out to me
There is nothing that I do that is free
The soul of honor costs a dollar
But you'll never get it from me.

I raised a monster
I raised my rates
I sold you hope, then made you wait.

Give it up to me
We're not virgins we all are diseased
With all the shit in our mouths it's a wonder
We're able to breathe.

I built a shambles
I built a shack
I gave you time - I took it back.

I got so lonely I forgot how to speak
I fell in love with the wrong life, wrong life
And you were there you were a bite on my cheek
I fell in love with the wrong life
You bit so hard and then it started to bleed
I fell in love with the wrong life, wrong life
I got so lost I didn't know how to need
I fell in love with the wrong life.

I saw you there you were ablend in the trees
I fell in love with the wrong life
I was asleep I was awake in my dreams
I fell in love with the wrong life
And when I hurt you it just wasn't the same
I fell in love with the wrong life, wrong life
Because you wanted it was I really to blame?
I fell in love with the wrong life.

I wanted something I could have and control
I wanted you or someone else I could hold
And tell me how, how did I end up this old?
I fell in love with the wrong life.

Random droney chanting!

One Good Thing
---------------------
I was the one who said
I'd take your heart and break it
Given time you'll feel this pain.
I was the one you left
Forlorn, I felt forsaken
And you were the one good thing.

One day I'll hear your name
And will not feel so shaken
In time, in time it fades.
I'm not that awful
But it's just the part I'm playing
My escape, my getaway.

And you were the one good thing.
And you were my one good thing.

GUITAR SOLO!

...

Addendum (Visible)
---------------------
I'm done running away
Running off my mouth
Saying I want out.
And I'm done running from my heart
This heart I have's diseased
My blood has gotten weak
My will is right to break.

But I am frozen by your eyes
And you find me where I hide
You find me.

I would, wouldn't have bet on my life
That you'd be the knife
To cut me free.
And I would, wouldn't have bet on my life
Having less and less
With every soured breath.

But I was frozen in your view
Know(no) hiding it's no use
You find me.

Is it fear that keeps me here
Is it fear, has me confused?
Will you have me stay a year?
Will you always draw me back?

I'm done, I'm done running away
Running down my life
I think I might stay.
And I'm done, done running around
(With) strange people that I've met.
(And I'm) hating this town.

Oh but I, but I was moving in your mind
(even when I didn't stir you saw me like a shade)
And I was frozen in your eyes
And find me, and find me, and fade.

Oh Trailer Park!

Oh trailer park! Oh home on wheels
Ne'er we'll roll again
This rented soil, my sewage disposal
This hose, this monthly fee

Oh mobile home, I've set your engine free
Let it go and run the canyons
With the engines, engines never enslaved
And I am free, enslaving none.

I speak, I speak well
My neighbors cannot tell
I may have been a futures trader
A fancy waiter at a fine steak house

And one wall I'll stock with books
And one I'll stock with cans
And one I'll stock with you
A wedding ring and memories
A picture that you sent
Your child and new husband
The house and fence you tend.

You'll be unyielding, photograph,
Time will take no toll
And only I and my regrets
Will move on getting old.

Oh trailer park, how did you make
Me join myself to you?
And one day when my options vest
I'll buy a house of stone
A piece of land to keep myself
A plot mine own mine own.

Country Buffet Trip Two

These flowers grow in the shape of a man
He must have been quite nourishing
Perhaps well nourished himself
I imagine him portly but with ruddy cheeks
A joy at the Holidays, with compliments
For the cook, a peck on the cheek
He was himself a well marbled steak
Had his house caught fire, slowly
He would have made a fine jerky
But no he fell here in the field
It's hard to tell just why he fell
Perhaps his heart gave out
Perhaps his spleen
It might have been old age
Or old aged cheddar
Whatever the case, not even bones remain
I think a fortnight ago I spied
A shrunken figure carrying off sticks
For some paltry fire I had pictured
But bones they might have been
Ground into a meal to feed other portly men
To make more flower beds
In the shape of well fed men.

Old Man, Who No Longer Shits

What maketh spring is it not the light pooled in your eyes
That makes my fondness grow - I have seen you
A huddled shadow in an alleyway, looking back on shadows
Casting yourself on the ground to be trampled under foot
Like light and shadow often go unseen
As the unsurrendered unengaged go about their business
But each footfall crests, darkness where it strikes
Your footsteps have set me stricken, ill down to the core
My lungs an empty charred house collapsing with each breath
This metal bottle that supplies me with each breath
This mask clear plastic clouded and unclear
With the moisture of the breath that escapes
...My breath escapes...
My dry and hollowed form
And yes I've said I'm fond of you
It's the commonweal of shadows that has guided us
Each to each like lepers to a colony
Will you tend my colostomy -
Bag? Will you move my withered legs
In a puppet show of youth and health
An oldmost dead man sprinting in his chair
Sprinting away from resolution
I lived my prime in an age where cartoon men
Smoked peaceful rings into cartoon air
Yes, simpler times, to forget the Great Death
When there were no heralds crying victory
Only "it is over".